


Life of a Respectable House Bug

by OKFandom



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Pokephilia, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 02:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11393697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OKFandom/pseuds/OKFandom
Summary: Golisopod watches too much TV. But Guzma loves him anyway.





	Life of a Respectable House Bug

One of the upsides of being a Team Skull Grunt was the lack of responsibility. Want to go out and stir up trouble? Go ahead! Want to bum around the Shady House and watch TV all day? No one’s stopping ya!

One of the downsides of Team Skull was definitely the lack of luxuries. Money tends to run tight when you’re in a gang of delinquents. Sure, they had a game room, but they’d stolen all the consoles to make it – and, sadly, still only had one game. In the event a Grunt managed to be bored to tears of that game, there was really only one thing left to do at Shady House: watch shitty daytime television.

Which is exactly what a handful of them found themselves doing, one slow afternoon. Black-and-white recording, poor sound quality, and horrible acting formed the trifecta of Shady House entertainment for the occasion. It was almost, _almost_ bad enough to convince the Grunts to go find something, anything else to do.

Until Grunt A had to open his mouth, of course.

“Hey, look! Goli takes care a’ boss just like this couple on TV!” No sooner had the words formed than everyone’s heads swiveled to the television, then over to the hulking bug-type that had joined them. The show provided a laugh track during the brief moment of silence. It didn’t take long for others to start ringing in agreements, outdoing the televised laughter by miles.

“Hah! He does! Does this mean Boss is married?”

“Yo yo! That means Goli’s our mom, right?” The Grunt closest to Golisopod nudged one of its larger arms, getting an affectionate head-nibble in response. (“Hey! Not the hat, yo!”)

“Wha–? No, stupid! Goli’s a boy! That makes 'im our Bug-Dad!”

Grunt B made an “ohh” sound of understanding, finally managing to get their now drool-drenched skull cap back. They went to put it on, but thought better of it at the last second, stuffing it into their pocket for the time being before leaning back towards the bug. “Yo, Bug-dad! Can we have cake fer dinner?”

Golisopod gave the Grunt the same look it’d seen Plumeria give in response to the question, chirring scoldingly. It might not know exactly what was _in_ a cake, but it knew it wasn’t an accepted Dinner Food™ for humans. Guzma used to sneak it bites of birthday cake, back when it was still an itty bitty Wimpod – cake was delicious, yeah, but _sooo_ not a meal food.

“We did all our chores, yo!” Another Grunt piped up, hoping to swing some favor. Incidentally, at least two-thirds of the group started looking everywhere _except_ at Golisopod. Certainly not because they _hadn’t_ done their chores yet or anything, ahaha…

The bug-type mulled it over. Cake wasn’t really a meal, but sweets _were_ the usual reward for jobs well-done…hmm. Alright, that seemed fair enough. It clicked an affirmative, nodding its head. The Grunts whooped and started making their way towards the kitchen, one of them flicking the TV off as they passed – they couldn’t _buy_ a cake, no, but they had to have ingredients for one, right?

-

So…turned out they only _sorta_ had the ingredients for a cake.

One mess of the Shady House kitchen later, most of its surfaces were buried under a light layer of flour, which had been the casualty of an impromptu toss-fight between no less than _everyone involved_. Even Golisopod’s exoskeleton was looking a few shades lighter from it! All in all, rather than a cake, they’d wound up making a mess instead. Which is, of course, when “destruction in human form” himself had to walk in.

“The hell’s goin’ on in here?!” Guzma had just wanted some damn Tapu Cocoa on this boring afternoon, but no. What’d he find, instead? A disaster zone of a kitchen, a bunch of grunts looking like Deerling caught in the headlights, and his bug wearing a cheesy “kiss the cook” apron. For _fuck’s_ sake. The Grunts scrambled to comply as he snapped at them to clean up their mess, himself already brushing some of the flour off of Golisopod.

The bug-type chirred happily at the preening, even if a bit frustrated that the cake hadn’t turned out the way it should’ve. The Grunts were right – it _was_ Guzma’s partner, wasn’t it! And in all senses of the term, to boot! It liked the sound of that. Unfortunately for it, the Team Skull Boss seemed oblivious to the fact. How could he miss it so easily!?

The solution was clear, Golisopod decided as it shucked off the apron one of the Grunts had scrounged up for it to wear. It was going to have to prove itself as BEST human wife – housewife? house BUG – for its boy! How? By copying everything it saw on TV, of course.

-

Unfortunate fact about TV: nothing on it is ever as easy as it seems, even domestic scenes. Golisopod learned this the hard way. It _really_ didn’t help that Guzma had developed impeccably horrible timing – luckily, he always assumed the Grunts to be at fault for the messes, or for his bug wearing weird stuff like aprons, so at least Golisopod didn’t have to worry about its treat privileges. That didn’t make it any less frustrating, though. The man wasn’t catching on at _all_! The Grunts knew what was up, at least, and did their best to comfort the increasingly upset bug, but to no avail.

It all came to a head, one day, when Golisopod refused to battle. The bug wouldn’t budge, no matter how many beans were offered. Eventually, Guzma conceded – whatever the bug was mad about, it had to get over it at some point, right? He had the rest of his team to train, so it wasn’t like he’d be unable to battle until then. Still, it was worrying…trying to put it out of his mind for the time being, Guzma trekked his way towards the Battle Tree, alone.

Now, Guzma wasn’t a _bad_ guy anymore. He was still the biggest and baddest, but the Skull Boss title had fallen to the wayside with the technical dissolution of the team. That didn’t mean people were as quick to forget, though.

Not willing to deal with his parents, he’d taken up residence at Po Town again, meaning he had a considerable walk before he could get a ride to Poni island and the Battle Tree. The journey itself was already bad enough without, say, getting _jumped_ just walking through Tapu Village.

Guzma wasn’t close to being a weakling, but four-on-one was nowhere _near_ a fair fight.

-

Golisopod was worried when its trainer didn’t return to the Shady House by nightfall, but it hid that fact. It was still peeved at its boy, after all. The Grunts, on the other hand, were a bit more open about their concerns, one of them going so far as to call the Battle Tree.

“Whaddaya _mean_ he never showed up?!” _That_ certainly got the bug-type’s attention, head whipping around to the Grunt on the phone. “He’s there nearly _every damn day_ – listen, d’ya think ya missed him? He didn’t have Goli with him this time–” Grunt A continued, glancing over just in time to catch the bug in question dashing out of the Shady House. “Uh, on second thought…”

The Grunts still residing at the Po Town mansion were quick to to follow Golisopod out, Grunt A dialing Plumeria to fill her in while a few of them broke off from the group to alert Nanu. The bug didn’t really have much of a plan other than “find Guzma”, after all.

Plumeria wasted no time in going to check out Guzma’s usual haunts, nor did Nanu in joining the search. No one on the Malie docks had seen him, so he probably hadn’t left the island – that narrowed it down a little. They all knew of Guzma’s hatred of the cold, so the mountain was off the list immediately. Malie Garden was rife with bugs but devoid of the bug specialist, as were the restaurants. The malasada shop hadn’t even seen him! A handful of Grunts were brave enough to go scope out Acerola’s trial site, but they came back empty-handed, too. If the ex-Skull Boss was trying to hide from them, he was doing a damn good job of it.

The impromptu search party regrouped at the Tapu Village Pokémon Center after a couple hours – partially to organize, partially because they knew Guzma went there a lot for the Tapu Cocoa. Two birds, one stone, right?

“–dumbass couldn’t even defend himself, the hell did he lead a _team_?”

“Yeah, seriously! At least Alola’s got US to make it a safer place, though!”

…or three birds, if the conversation Plumeria caught wind of was any indication. For all their bragging of “making Alola safer”, the four culprits sure got quiet when they noticed Team Skull’s (former) Big Sis _and_ the island Kahuna zeroing in on their table.

Now detained – two by cuffs, two being held in place by Grunts – the four braggarts were quick to sing. They’d jumped the ex-Skull Boss, then left him on the side of Lanakila. One of them had swiped his Pokémon too, apparently, something Plumeria didn’t attempt to restrain herself from punching them for. (Nanu would let that one slide.)

“Alright, any of you brats want to lead us to him.” The Kahuna asked in a flat voice, making it clear that there wouldn’t be a choice involved.

-

They weren’t the first to find him.

Golisopod, true to its partially self-proclaimed title of Best Bug, had managed to track Guzma down itself. It’d picked up his scent in Tapu Village – from there, it was just a matter of keeping it as it began trudging through the increasing cold, panic growing with the amount of snow. It found its boy practically frozen to death on the side of Lanakila, dried blood crusted with ice from where it had solidified on the side of his face, leg twisted at an odd angle. Afraid to move the shivering man too much for fear of aggravating the injuries, the large bug-type curled around its trainer instead. Guzma reacted half-unconscious, snuggling into the warmth.

Nanu and the rest of the search party weren’t too far behind, having been led both by the perpetrators and Golisopod’s upset braying. With Plumeria’s help, the bug-type was cajoled into picking up the abnormally-delicate bug specialist, who was then rushed back down the mountain. Fuck knows how long he’d been out there – he needed medical attention, and pronto!

The former Skull members stayed with their boss as Nanu departed with the four attackers, Persian body-checking them whenever they started straying too far from the Kahuna.

Meanwhile, the Nurse Joy on duty was having similar problems getting Guzma _away_ from Golisopod long enough to properly examine and patch him up. Reaching a compromise, the still-panicked bug agreed to relinquish its hold on its boy, but remained hovering nearby as the medical professional did her job.

Guzma ended up being relatively okay, thank the Tapu. A broken leg, some cuts and bruises, and a mild case of hypothermia, but nothing life-threatening – that counted as “okay” as far as the ex-Skull Leader was concerned. The nurse had ordered him to rest and take it easy, and Guzma was inclined to follow the rules for once in his life, wanting nothing more than to zonk out in his bed back at the Shady House for a while.

Unfortunately for him, Golisopod’s definition of “taking it easy” differed greatly from his own. The bug was bound and determined to keep him to bed rest for the duration of his recovery, save for bathroom breaks. It was driving Guzma _nuts_! He’d never taken Nanu’s dry joke about Po Town being like a container seriously before, but with how stir-crazy he’d grown over the past week, he was starting to see what the officer had meant.

The Grunts came to his rescue eventually, convincing the hulking bug-type to let its boy come watch some TV downstairs, at the very least. Honestly, it wasn’t much better than the bedroom, but Guzma would give them props for trying. Being stuck off his feet on a couch while watching shitty daytime TV was marginally less boring than being stuck in bed.

It wasn’t until one of the Grunts switched the channel to an old-fashioned, black-and-white domestic sitcom that the pieces clicked together in the ex-Leader’s head. So _this_ was what his bug was up to all along?? The thought made him erupt in laughter. “My bug thinks it's married to me!”

It was funny for all of about three seconds before Guzma realized that, well, it was kind of true. Kind of really true. If not by law, then at least in spirit. And Golisopod was standing all sad at the doorway, carefully holding a cup of Tapu Cocoa – that it’d made itself, no less! – in its clawed hands. Guilt made itself known to the bug specialist while the Grunts present cast nervous glances at each other.

The bug trudged over, giving off sad clicks as it set down the Tapu Cocoa. “Wha– no, no. Don't cry, yo! Ah, jeez…” Guzma protested as Golisopod whimpered. “I didn't mean it like that! I just–”

Guzma sighed as the hard scale Pokémon’s expression didn’t change. A simple “C’mere” landed him with an armful of bug, prompting him to hug the sniffly isopod tight. “Ya ain’t gotta do weird shit to make me love you, yo.”

At the bug’s confused chitter, Guzma rolled his eyes and gave it a peck on the forehead. The action earned him the insect equivalent of a gasp from the bug-type, as well as a few “awww”s from the onlooking Grunts. Guzma’s face flushed bright pink when he processed the latter, having forgotten that they were watching.

“Shaddup! Ain’t y’all got shit to do?!” The Grunts were quick to flee at that, a couple of them still giggling about the cute display. He could expect all of Alola to know by the time he recuperated, he supposed.

The dynamic duo relaxed on the couch together as the TV droned on, until eventually, Guzma fell asleep in their snuggled position. Apparently he’d still needed his rest after all. Golisopod, not able to find it in itself to risk waking its boy by moving him back to the bedroom, chose to stay on the couch for the time being. Nothing wrapped up a good day quite like snuggling and watching its favorite show, after all.

_FIN_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading~!  
> Find more cool OK! content on [our Tumblr](https://ok-fandom.tumblr.com/)!


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